Your family

Tips to support brothers and sisters

• Feelings

  Show that all feelings are allowed. Your child may feel sad or jealous and still love their brother or sister who is ill.

  • Share your own feelings and name them. This helps your children learn that showing emotions is normal.

  • Explain that no one is to blame for the illness.

  • Check in regularly to see how your other child or children are feeling.

  • Let them know that having fun is still okay.

  • The Máxima Center offers online courses for siblings.

  • Take a look together at the special page with information for siblings.

  • Ask the social work team for the ‘Sibling Book’. This book helps children understand what is happening with their brother or sister, talk about it, and explain how it feels for them.

  • Older siblings may benefit from the pocket booklet ‘Sibling Thoughts’. This booklet is available at the desk of the Dutch Childhood Cancer Association.

• Giving honest information

  When children understand what is happening, they often feel less uncertain and afraid.

  • Tell them what illness their brother or sister has and what treatment they will receive.

  • Explain that cancer is not contagious. The booklet Chemo-Kasper can help with this.

  • Keep their age and developmental level in mind.

  • If possible, bring your other children to the hospital with you.

  • Is your child receiving medicines such as dexamethasone? Explain what the medicine does and why there may be different rules for a while.

  The child life specialists can support you with this.

• Keeping life as normal as possible

  You may have childcare at home, or your other children may often stay with family or friends. Their place in the family changes now that much attention goes to the child who is ill, and they may feel they are getting less attention.

  • Try to keep your family’s usual routines in place as much as possible. This gives children stability.

  • Let their daily life with friends, school, sports, clubs, and parties continue as normally as possible.

  • Make time for one-on-one moments, even if it is only ten minutes.

  • Explain that you may have less time for them, but that you love them just as much.

  • Ask family and friends to also send a card or bring a small gift for your other children.

• Your children together

  The relationship between your child who is ill and your other child or children may change. They may spend less time together and be able to do fewer things together.

  • In most cases, siblings are welcome to visit the child who is ill, and they can even stay overnight.

  • If you have a meeting with the physician or another care provider, you can bring young siblings to the play center.

  • Think of new ways your children can enjoy time together, such as board games, movies, or video games.

  • Siblings are always welcome to join the activities in the Máxima Center. You can find the schedule on the poster boards, for example in the elevators and on the wards.

• School

  Going to school gives structure and a sense of safety. Still, your child may have trouble concentrating or may show different behavior.

  • Inform the school about the situation.

  • Discuss with your child and the teacher how they can explain it to the class.

  • The consultants from the educational team in the Máxima Center are happy to think along with you.

• After treatment

  Sometimes emotions surface only after treatment has finished, when there is more time and space to reflect on everything that has happened. Children often show this through tiredness. Take your child or children seriously, observe what they need, and follow their pace.

• Signs that more support may be needed

  • Physical complaints such as stomach aches, headaches, or bedwetting

  • Having few friends or losing friendships

  • Problems at school

  • A setback in development

  • Angry or defiant behavior

  • Experimenting with sex, alcohol, or drugs

  If you notice that your child finds it difficult to talk, try doing an activity together. Talking often feels easier in the car, while playing, or during chores. It helps to confirm that siblings also face challenges during treatment and that their emotions are allowed. They may feel jealous or angry and still love their brother or sister who is ill.